the online magazine about life as a creative process

 

Turn Around

 

by Tim Baehr

 

 

     
 

A disused path led downward from the weather station at the summit of the Great Blue Hill, the highest point in a 7,000-acre nature preserve in suburban Boston. I could just see over the pine trees and scrub oaks below me. It seemed as though just a few steps forward would lead me to an open vista: green trees, distant horizon, with a contrasting background of lowering gray clouds, ragged on the underside and threatening rain. I looked forward to this dramatic view of the landscape; at the same time I was aware of an ominous, muffled hissing sound.

I went forward and downward, and the path kept going down, becoming narrower and narrower. I had to duck my head under some branches. A couple of them almost scraped my cap off. Once the branches closed suddenly on my backpack after I had parted them and passed through them. The low scraping sound, almost animal-like, made me whirl around: I thought I was being followed.

Each step forward brought me lower. I would pass one group of trees that had blocked the view, only to encounter another group a little farther down the slope. So the promising view remained just a promise. The lower I went, the more tantalizing the promised view became. I glimpsed sky . . . water . . . distant trees. I chose to ignore the sound that was floating up through the trees.

Finally the path opened out onto an open space with some boulders and no line of trees. I scrambled down to see the vista open up - onto a superhighway cloverleaf. The water, trees, and sky of the promised glimpses were there, too. But down in the valley, too far to walk to but close enough to see and hear, the scene was dominated by blacktop, heavy traffic, and the sound of hundreds of hissing tires.

How many times do we keep on a downward path, following a tantalizing glimpse of good things just beyond the next barrier? How many times do we choose to ignore disturbing signs that all is not well? At each turn the path becomes narrower, rockier, and more treacherous. We have to bow down at some barriers, abasing ourselves and losing sight of the promised prize. Yet still we carry on. It seems that the more we invest in this arduous path, the more likely we are to stay on it. And the final prize, when we reach it, is often just another piece of commerce, still unreachable but spoiling our view of a better world.

I sat and rested awhile, trying to enjoy the natural parts of the vista. Then I turned around and climbed back up the hill.

Sometimes it can be really hard to know when we're on the wrong path - when it's time to turn around.

 
     
 

 

     
 

Tim Baehr is the editor of Menletter: A Journal for Men.

 
     

 

     
   
     

 

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